Such A Merry Christmas!

Another Christmas has come and gone and I am reminded once again how blessed we are!  It was so fun having family here!  We ate so much food, laughed until we cried, talked about everything under the sun and just had an amazing time.  I have tons of pics to post eventually but tonight I just wanted to share these particular ones with you.

The very last gift Scott and I opened actually came as 12 individual gifts, all stacked up!  I had no idea what they could be. They were from Sabrina.  As we each started to unwrap them, one by one, my heart was full.  There were no words to describe how I felt as I realized the love, time and thought that went into this project.  She had created a priceless gift that I will treasure the rest of my life!

She tells me that she went to the "wood store" and told the guy she needed some wood "about this long". He cut it for her and home she went to sand and paint.  She went back a week later and asked him for another piece, which she took home to also sand and paint.

When she came home for Christmas break, she took each of her siblings out to her little guest house in the backyard and had each one of them put their hand print on their block of wood.  Amazingly, none of them spilled the beans about the project she was working on!

Anyway, back to Christmas morning.....after opening the other 10 packages of each child's hand print, she handed me the last package to open. As I opened it up, a sob caught in my throat.  She had framed my favorite picture of Zachary.  I stared into his beautiful eyes for a few minutes. When I looked up, I realized Sabrina had brought over the last part of the gift.  It was only then that I saw how it all went together. I broke down and just cried when I realized the extent of her gift.  One word:  Amazing.

Here are a couple of pics. The first will show you just how big it is and the next one will show how it looks hanging on the wall.

Of course you all know how much I love that song!  I also love how she incorporated a heart into each of their hand prints!!  She tells me this idea came to her through divine inspiration. It was healing for her as she worked on it.  Zachary continues to touch our lives each and every day, and on this Christmas when he was supposed to be laughing and giggling while he opened his first Christmas gifts, he wasn't here but his memory continues to live on in our hearts.  I know he celebrated with Him who sent His Son and I honestly couldn't ask for anything better than that for our sweet baby.

It's Almost Here!!!!

I don't know about you, but it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas over here!!!  I can't even begin to tell you how excited we all are!!!  I love this time of year and the opportunity it gives us to spend so much time together as a family! 

This year was the first year.....(ever??) that I had no motivation to write up our annual Christmas letter and organize a family picture.  Between our family blog and FB, I feel like you are all up to date on our family happenings and to be honest, there are a few "highlights" from this past year that I really don't know if I have the courage to write about again.  I would like to have a family picture taken but I just couldn't muster the motivation to coordinate everyone's outfits and hair, not to mention the fact that I don't feel like a picture would be a complete family picture and that makes me sad.

Regardless of whether or not we send a picture and letter out this year, we want you all to know how thankful we are to have you in our lives! Being on the receiving end of so many prayers, kind words, love and support when our sweet Zachary passed away, reminded us of just how blessed we are to call you "friend".  Thank you.

We hope this Christmas you are blessed to be surrounded by those you love, remembering the Christ-child and all He did for each of us!  We love you and wish you the Merriest Christmas and the Happiest of New Years!!!

70 Years Young!!

This past week, we celebrated my dad's birthday!!!  Hard to believe he turned 70!  You would never know it by looking at him!  He works harder than anyone his age I know!!!  He can usually be found out in the pasture, fixing fences, shoveling poo, mowing the yard or helping with some project!  He recently helped Levi with his Eagle Scout project, which involved cutting, hauling, loading, chopping and stacking 8 cord of wood! He worked just as long and just as hard as the younger crowd!

Having my parents live with us is such a blessing in our lives!  They are such amazing people.  They teach our children, love our children and create memories with them that will last a lifetime!

My dad has the best sense of humor!  He is always cheerful with a smile on his face! He has a can-do attitude!  He is always so patient with his grandchildren.  We are blessed to call him Father/Papa!

We love you!!!

 

 

Christmas Girls!

Running out the door to church on Sunday, I just had to stop and take a picture of these two!  So adorable!  I love that Vanessa saw what dress Jasmine was wearing and wanted to wear hers so they could be matching!  So glad she hasn't grown out of that age yet!!!

Beautiful Poem!

I recieved this poem from a friend.  I love it so much!!  Thank you, April for sending it to me!

I am a child of God and He has called me home.
My earthly journey's through but still, I do not walk alone.
He leads me, guides me, walks beside me, helps me find the way.
He welcomed me with open arms, I live with Him today.

I am a child of God and I have gone ahead.
My earthly life was brief but oh, such peace and love you gave.
You loved me, held me, stood beside me and though I cannot stay.
You gave me so much to help me and I live with Him today.

I am a child of God and I will wait for you.
Celestial glory shall be ours, if you can but endure.
I'll lead you, guide you, walk beside you. Help you find the way.
I'll welcome you with open arms, one bright Celestial day."

--Donna Kulliard

The Things I Learn From My Children......

The other day Vanessa forgot to take her tennis shoes for P.E.  She called home and asked her dad if he could bring them to her.  He hopped in the car and took them over.  When he got there, her P.E. class had started, so he went in to the gym to find her.

As he walked in, Vanessa tells me that all her friends around her started whispering, "Vanessa, is that your dad?"  Now, I know why they would ask that....their skin colors don't exactly match and to many people that just doesn't make any sense but I wanted to see what Vanessa would say.  As she paused in her story, I asked, "Why would they ask if he was your dad??  Huh, I guess that's because he's so short!"  Laughing, she replies, "Mom, I'm pretty sure it's because he's so tall!!!"

I waited for it.  I was pretty sure she would say it but she never did.  I love that girl.  I think it's great that it's not the first thing that comes to mind when she thinks of her dad.  Yes, their skin colors don't match but that doesn't mean a thing in our family.  I like it that way.  I wish more people did as well.

Miracles Still Happen......

One of my favorite songs is by the group, Alabama. 

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day.


Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way.

It was getting late, and I was scared and alone.

But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home.

Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there.

And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers.


Oh I believe there are angels among us.

Sent down to us from somewhere up above.

They come to you and me in our darkest hours.

To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.

To guide us with the light of love.


When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees.

There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me.

A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand.

A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand.


And ain't it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.

Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.


Oh I believe there are angels among us.

Sent down to us from somewhere up above.

They come to you and me in our darkest hours.

To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.

To guide us with the light of love.



They wear so many faces; show up in the strangest places.

To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.


Oh I believe there are angels among us.

Sent down to us from somewhere up above.

They come to you and me in our darkest hours.

To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.

To guide us with the light of love.


To guide us with the light of love.


In the past week since my last post, my life has been filled with miracles.  Healing miracles, full of grace.  I know there is a loving Heavenly Father who hears and answers our prayers, in His way, in His time.  I know I will see Zachary again.  I am so thankful for the Angels in my life.

Another Day Shopping.....

As I was walking through Wal-Mart today, my phone rang.  It was Zachary's birth Grandmother ( I like to call her, his first Grandma).  It caught me off guard, but I was thrilled to hear her voice. 

We talked for a few minutes.  She shared some very personal things with me, things that brought me to tears.  She is an amazing woman.  I felt a connection with her the minute I met her back in August (the day Zach was born). 

From the moment Zachary passed away, I have had an over-whelming feeling of failure, failure as a Mother.  Why couldn't I have kept him safe?  Isn't that my job as a mother, to keep my children safe and protected?  Why didn't I hold him a little longer that day? 

All the trust that complete strangers put in me to raise their child and I failed.  It's a feeling that comes back to me over and over.  Losing a child you give birth to has got to be hard enough, losing an adopted child is all of that plus the guilt you feel as an adoptive parent that you let another family down.  Knowing that we had no warning or any signs that there was a problem helps the tiniest bit but nonetheless, the feelings of failure rise up over and over.

The past week has been so hard.  I keep thinking that it should get easier as time goes by but I guess I'm not at that point yet......

Never in my life have I felt such strong emotions.  My heart hurts.  My chest feels like it has a load of bricks sitting on top.  Sometimes my breathing feels so ragged that it hurts to breath. 

Isaiah asked me what Jesus does with Zachary.  I told him that I'm sure he holds him and snuggles him. I told him that maybe he even sings him songs.  He asked what songs?  I told him the first song that came to mind, It's All About Your Heart.  As I started to sing it to him (because he doesn't know what it's called), I couldn't even get past the first line before breaking down.  Yeah, it's been a rough week........

Maybe part of the problem is we sent Sabrina back to BYU on Monday.  She had moved home for the month and to be honest, when the two of us are together, there are a lot of laughs.  She got me through some of the hardest days with laughter.  She probably doesn't even know but she was a breath of fresh air for the past three weeks.  But as much as I would love to have her home, she needed to be around young adults her age, plus she was still paying for her housing contract so we figured she might as well be using it!

She will be back in 3 weeks for Christmas....whew!

Thank you for calling me today, Kay.  Your words touched my heart.  Yet another way Zachary touched our lives.....bringing two families together that would have never otherwise met.  We have the utmost love and respect for Zachary's first family.  They will always have a special place in our hearts.  We love each of you.

Another Day......

I did some shopping today.  Christmas shopping.  I made the mistake of walking through the baby section to get over to the shoe department.  I had no idea I would have my heart ripped out while making my way through.  I'm sure the other ladies that were shopping found it strange to see a woman start sobbing while looking at the Christmas outfits for "Baby's First Christmas".  What was I thinking......

I stopped by the cemetery on the way home.  I thought about Isaiah, telling everyone that comes to the house, "Our baby's body is in the grass but his spirit is up with Jesus!"  He's so proud that his baby gets to be with Jesus, that Jesus is holding his baby brother. 

I don't quite have his enthusiasm.  The empty spot in my heart is still there.  Empty arms remind me all the time that my baby is gone.  I know all the right responses that we tell people when they have lost a loved one, but it still doesn't take away the pain.

 I love you Zachary.  I know I will see you again.  I know you're in a better place, but none of that changes the fact that your Mama misses you more than I ever knew possible.

Thanksgiving!!

It was so fun having Samantha, Colt and sweet little Calvin here since Wednesday!  On Thursday, for Thanksgiving, we had a wonderful day together and even Grammy came for dinner!  It was so fun to see her, even if she doesn't remember any of us and insists she needs to get to know us.  At 92, with only a tiny bit of her memory left, she is still a joy and so sweet with all the kids.  From what we can tell, she remembers her 3 daughters and their spouses but that's about it.  But we love her tiny little self and feel so blessed to have her with us.

On Friday, Scott and I went and spent the night at the Anniversary Inn.  It's a beautiful Bed and Breakfast that has 41 speciality themed rooms.  It was gorgeous and we had such a great time together.  We never really celebrated out anniversary because I was still recovering from the flu at the time.  We haven't  spent a night away from the kids for years (except when we stayed with Zachary at the hospital the night before he passed away).  Sam, Colt and Sabrina held down the fort while we were gone and we are so thankful for their willingness to do that!  It was nice to not have to worry about anything at home. 

Today Sam and Colt blessed Calvin at church!  Colt's family came into town as well.  It was so great to see them.  Samantha is truly blessed with great in-laws!  Everyone came for lunch after church and it was so nice to just sit around and visit with everyone!

It's back to school tomorrow!  Just 3 weeks away from Christmas break and all the kids are super excited! 

Here are a couple of pics from our Thanksgiving dinner and one of the Bed and Breakfast we stayed at!

 I really should have mentioned that I was taking a picture but I didn't think about it!  Haha...but at least 2 beautiful girls were looking at the camera!

 

 Good job, Sabrina!  She was looking!!!

 

Isn't it beautiful???  This is the Anniversary Inn where we stayed!  A much needed night away....

So Much To Be Thankful For!!!

I love this time of year!  I love all the baking and decorations!  I love the extra time we get to spend together as a family! We have so much to be thankful for!

We're healing over here.  It's slow and sometimes painful, but it's a process and we're moving through it.  Today I brought home small photo albums.  Everyone has pics of Zachary that they want to keep and I had been telling the kids I would get everyone their own little book to put their own pics in but then I got sick last week and didn't leave the house.  Today you would have thought it was Christmas!  They were all soooo excited to pick their album and then put their pics in it!!!  It was healing and I was so happy for them to have a place to keep their special pictures.

On Sunday, Thomas, Isaiah and I went to the cemetery to visit Zachary's grave.  As much as we have explained to Isaiah that Zachary is with Jesus, he is still waiting for him to come home.  He kept asking me if Jesus was going to be at the cemetery with Zachary.  When we got there, he jumped out of the car, looking all around, asking me where Jesus was.  He was ready for him to give his baby brother back.  When he realized that Jesus was not there, he jumped back in the car and waited to go home. 

We are so excited to have Samantha, Colt and that adorable grand baby, Calvin here this week!!  We can't get enough of them!!!! 

This week, I hope you are surrounded by family and close friends.  I'll be counting my blessings, like so many of us do, as we give thanks for the abundance we have been given.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!! 

I Love This Man!

Two nights ago, Scott ran to the store 'for a few things'.  I had no idea what he needed, but didn't think much about it.  Awhile later he returned and in his hand were a few dozen carnations (one of my favorite flowers).  I thought that was sweet of him.  He had been gone all week and knew how sick I had been, not too mention that it had been an emotional day for me.  I must have had a questioning look on my face because he nodded towards the calendar and said, "They are for our anniversary tomorrow". 

I spun around and looked at the calendar to see the date......he was right, it was our anniversary and I had not even remembered.  I dropped my head into my hands and burst into tears.  I couldn't believe that I hadn't remembered something as important as our 22nd anniversary!!!  Me?  I never forget that!!! I was so mad at myself! I just bawled and bawled.

Of course the kitchen was only full of boys at the moment and it got awkwardly quiet as they listened to me bawl my head off.  Finally I looked up into their questioning eyes.  Levi was the first to ask, "Ya mad bro?"  Yes, I'm so mad that I forgot our anniversary!!!!!  He kind of backed away, giving his dad a bewildered look.  Scott stepped in and just held me as I cried some more.

I'm so done crying.  I have never cried so much in my life as I have these past few weeks.  And then just when I think I'm done, something triggers a tear and out they come again!

But good news!!!  Scott and I celebrated 22 years of marriage and I continue to thank my Father in Heaven for a man who loves, supports and adores me.  I trully am so blessed.

Love It!!!!

This was a hard week.....for so many reasons.  But what made it even harder was after saying goodbye to all our family that came into town last week, I was promptly knocked on my butt in bed with the flu!

Sunday, we said goodbye to the last of our guests and Sabrina left to drive back to Rexburg to pack up all her stuff.  She had decided to move home and thankfully she arrived back home Monday!  Scott left early Monday morning for a business trip and wouldn't be home until late Wednesday night.

When the flu hit, it was all I could do to mumble a few requests to Sabrina and crawl into my bed.....where I stayed until today.  As a mother, there are not many times in my life that I can remember staying in bed all day, let alone for 4 days!!!  I can probably count the times on one hand!  But considering the previous week, all my reserves were completely wiped out.

What a blessing to have Sabrina home.  She ran the show.  She cooked, cleaned, put everyone to bed, ran a million errands and took kids here and there!  I could not have done it without her.

The hard part was, when I wasn't actually sleeping, all I could do was stare at all of Zachary's belongings.  All of his clothes, bouncy seat, car seat, blankets, cards we received, picture album, scrapbook, medical supplies....everything that was his, sat under the window on my side of the bed.  That's where it always was, from the time we brought him home.  His little dresser, the cabinet with all his medical supplies, stuffed animals, etc., were right there.

It wasn't a problem or an issue, it was just now I felt like it needed a more reverent place to be.....does that make sense????  I wanted a trunk.  And not just any trunk. It had to be just the right trunk.  I told Sabrina and she spent the entire week searching every store we could think of to find my trunk. 

Today she found my trunk.  I love it.  I'm so thankful for a place to keep Zachary's things.  I want them protected, kept safe from everything else.  As I started putting things in it, I felt a peace, a reverence that I had hoped for.





And The Flood Gates Have Been Opened.......

Writing about Zachary is so healing.  Being able to get things out of my brain and onto 'paper' helps me so much.  After I posted that last entry, floods of thoughts and memories started to pour out.  I was headed to bed but just had to post this:

A week or so ago, Savannah was saying her prayers before bed.  At one point her prayer went something like this:
"And please help baby Zachary to have fun in Heaven....."  My thoughts as she said that were, yes Savannah, I hope he does "have fun in Heaven", but I miss having him here on Earth more than anything.......

Before we took Zach off life support, our Bishop was at the hospital with us and offered a prayer.  When he finished, he said he had the distinct impression that there were many family members and close friends, who were waiting to receive Zachary.  I thought of family members in each of our family's who have passed on and considered the possibility of family members from our birth families and I'm sure there were several there to meet him and welcome him home.

One person in particular, who I'm sure was there, was Lucky. Lucky is a dear family friend for many years.  He passed away a few years ago.  Both Scott's family as well as mine grew up with his family. Later as a teenager, I babysat for his two beautiful daughters.  Years later, his family sat behind us in church every single Sunday.  His sister is a very dear friend and when she called shortly after Zachary's passing, I told her that I knew Lucky was first in line to welcome Heaven's newest Angel home. Lucky has the heart of a teddy bear.  All of our children adored him. 

His wife and daughters continue his legacy by collecting toys for children at Christmas time.  We were honored and privileged to help deliver those gifts (I think it was the first year) while caroling with  their family.  The gifts they provide those children are so much more than just some toys at Christmas, they come from the heart and they spend the entire year collecting donations and organizing everything.

Thank you Brenda, Moe and Rochelle for reaching out to help those who can't help themselves.  We will never forget your kindness and love when you brought that bag, jam packed with food, goodies and stuff for Sabrina to do while she was at the hospital in Oregon with Zachary. 

P.S. Donal, his sister, mentioned that Lucky had been buried with a HotWheel in his pocket.....which we both knew, he would have immediately shared with Zachary.  :)

My Sweet Baby, Zachary

I'm one of those people who needs to get things out so that so that I can process and work through them.  My heart is aching so badly, I know I need to start the process. 

On Saturday, November 3rd at 5:46 pm, our sweet Zachary passed away.  There are no words to describe the pain and anguish I felt as he passed from this life to the next. 

From the moment I read about the agency looking for a family for a special needs baby, I knew that baby was meant to be part of our lives.  In the back of my mind, something told me that there would be many challenges that would come with this beautiful baby, along with immense joy!  In the days and weeks that would follow, there would be many hard days.  Days when we waited anxiously after surgery, days when we had many appointments to try to fit in, but through it all we had peace.

Zachary was an easy baby.  He wasn't fussy, he wasn't colicky, he loved to be held and cuddled.  Most of the time I would cuddle him in my arms until he fell asleep and then I would lay him down.  He was such a little snuggle bug.

I replay Friday over and over in my mind constantly.  I had been looking forward to that day and was so excited when I woke up!  We would be going into the agency for our last post placement visit and after that we would be meeting with our birth mother and her parents.  I was so excited for them to see him.  It would be the first time since the day he was born and he had changed so much from that day! I knew they were anxious and I could only imagine the anticipation they must be feeling as well. 

Lots of pictures were taken during the hour we visited.  Zachary was happy and didn't mind being passed around.  It was his nap time, so I prayed that he would do ok. At one point in our visit, Zachary smiled, not once but twice at his birth mother. Because of the angle I was sitting, I couldn't see it.  He had never smiled until that moment.  I had a feeling he was going to smile that day when he saw her.  In fact, I had told Sabrina earlier, how perfect it would be if he did!!!  I will be forever thankful that she was able to see him smile!

We left the office and headed home.  We got there about 1:30, which was feeding time, so I fed him and then put him in the front pack. Finally at about 3:45, I went upstairs and laid him on my bed.  All the kids would be getting off the bus at 4, and I wanted to be able to help them unload their backpacks and help them get a snack before Zachary would need to eat again at 4:30.  After I laid him down, I went in and made his milk so that it would be ready for him in a few minutes. 

At 4:30, I went back upstairs to start his milk.  But when I saw his face, sheer terror swept over me.  He was blue and freezing cold.  I scooped him into my arms and ran, sobbing and screaming for Scott.  I will be forever thankful that my husband works from home.  He grabbed him from me and ran downstairs.  He called 911 while he started CPR.  This past summer as part of his training as a Boy Scout leader, he had to take a CPR class, which also included infant CPR.

He kept it going as we waited for the emergency crew to arrive. He tells me it was only 2 or 3 minutes (we live just around the corner from the fire station) but it seemed like forever!!!  They came in and within minutes, the floor was covered in gear and men (and one woman).  After several minutes, his heart started beating.  He was still unresponsive but we were so thankful for a heartbeat.

The rest of the night is a blur.  I rode in the ambulance to the hospital.  Scott would bring the car behind us.  They transferred us from our hospital to the Pediatric Hospital in Boise (where he was born).  Doctors would work on him until after 2 am, when they finally said they had done what they could and they would be back in the morning.

They cooled his body temperature to Hypothermia temperature, in hopes of keeping the swelling down and allowing his brain to return to normal.  After 24 hours, they would begin the very slow process of bringing his body temperature back to normal.  During the warming process, they hoped they would see some sort of neurological activity to let us know that he was in there.  They saw nothing.

The Doctor told us it was time to remove him from life support and just hold him.  We didn't know how long we would have with him before he stopped breathing.  Turned out to be just short of two hours.  He stopped breathing  peacefully and then he was gone. 

My heart felt like it was wrenched out of my body.  I wanted to scoop him up and take him home.  It had to be a nightmare, this wasn't really happening.

Earlier when I was headed to the hospital in the ambulance, I had called Sabrina.  She could barely understand what I was saying but she and Sam threw some clothes in the car and started driving.  They arrived just after 1:30 in the morning.  Zachary had a very special bond with Sabrina.  There was no way she wouldn't have come. 

As we held our precious angel in our arms for the last time, all of our hopes and dreams for him disappeared.  He would miss his first Christmas, taking his first steps, first day of school, playing basketball with Levi (Levi had informed us many times that he would be Zach's personal coach and make sure he learned all the skills necessary to be a 'good ball player'), playing football with Isaiah (he talked constantly to Zachary about this and was so excited to play catch), there would be no first date, no wondering where he would go to college, no holding him close and drying his tears, no hearing about his hopes and dreams.......

I think about that day constantly and wonder why I didn't hold him just a little bit longer??  Why did he stop breathing?  Was he scared? Did he wonder where I was?  These questions will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life.  I pray for peace. I pray that in his heart he knew he was loved and adored. I pray that he will know that he touched the lives of countless people, that there are people out there that have chosen to be better because they knew him. 

I love you, Zachary Scott.  You have changed my life forever.  You taught me things about myself and others that I will never forget.  You were a joy to parent and I will be forever thankful to your beautiful birth mother, for choosing us to be your family.  I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father, who will keep you in his care until we see you again.

**I wrote this for me. I needed to get this all out, in written form.  It helps me process.  I'm sorry if it's a jumbled mess or if something doesn't really 'sound right'......I suspect over the next few days, weeks, months I will continue to post memories or thoughts about our sweet baby, so please bear with me......thank you to so many for the thoughts and prayers on our family's behalf. 

Never Dreamed.......

I never in a million years thought I would be posting something of this nature on my blog.....and hopefully those who read it, already know what happened.  If you haven't heard of the tragic events of the last week, someday I will get around to posting them but for now I need to post this:

Funeral services for our sweet angel baby, Zachary will be tomorrow, Friday the 9th at 2 pm.  A viewing will be held from 1-1:45.

If you need directions or other information, please leave a comment with an email and I will message you privately.

We appreciate all the love and support we have received thus far.

One Of My Favorites!

While in the hospital with her brother, Sabrina sang this song to him constantly.  It was the one thing that she could do that would soothe him without a doubt.  If everything else she tried didn't work, this was the last resort! And as a result, it became the first thing she tried when he got fussy!

Mindy Gledhill has such a beautiful voice and this song is so perfect when she sings "it's not about your scars, it's all about your heart."

I hope you enjoy it!!!  Here are the words so you can sing along!  :)

All About Your Heart

Mindy Gledhill, Kendra Lowe
© Blue Morph Music 2010 (BMI), Kendra Lowe (ASCAP)

I don’t mind your odd behavior
It’s the very thing I love
If you were an ice cream flavor
You would be my favorite one
My imagination sees you
Like a painting by Van Gogh
Starry nights and bright sunflowers
Follow you where you may go

Oh, I’ve loved you from the start
In every single way
And more each passing day
You are brighter than the stars
Believe me when I say
It’s not about your scars
It’s all about your heart

You’re a butterfly held captive
Small and safe in your cocoon
Go on you can take your time
Time is said to heal all wounds

Chorus
Like a lock without a key
Like a mystery without a clue
There is no me if I cannot have you
Chorus

Family Pictures!

We had so much fun having Samantha, Colt and sweet little grandbaby, Calvin home two weekends ago! We were so glad Sabrina made the trip as well!  We took a ton of pictures while they were here!

 Love this 5 generation pic with sweet little Grammy!

 

 Parents, Grandparents and Great Grandparents!

 

 Sam with her dad and his mother!

 

 Sam with her mother and her mother's father!

 

 Sam with her mother and her mother's mother!

 

Our whole family together!!  A lady from church offered to come over Sunday afternoon and take these pics for us and we will be forever grateful! We were not dressed up or matching so I made it black and white so it wouldn't look so 'busy'!

Making Progress!

Zach has made some good progress this week!  One of the biggest achievements for him has been learning to breath through his mouth!  I know, that sounds crazy but typically babies don't learn to do that until much later!  But because of his surgery to his lip, his nose area has been swollen shut and breathing through his mouth is the only way he can breath!  It has been very stressful to watch him...many times the first couple of days, I would have to pull down on his bottom lip to break the suction he would accidentally create with his lips!  A look of panic would cross his face and it was the most stressful thing ever!!!  The plastic surgeon had told us to use lots of Vaseline on his lips to keep them moving and keep them from sticking together.

But, we're happy to report that we no longer have to watch him like a hawk, he has mostly mastered it and is doing very well!

The weather cooled off a little this week and it's been so nice to wear long sleeves!!  I know, that sounds so weird but I get tired of wearing the same clothes, now I just doubled my wardrobe!!

Samantha and Colt came home for the weekend with sweet baby, Calvin and even Sabrina came home with them! Two weekends in a row seeing her!!

We took lots of pictures and I will post them next time!  Probably most of you have seen them on my Facebook page, but there will be a few of you that haven't seen them yet.  But for now, here's a cute pic of baby Zachary!!!

Whew!

Well, that was quite a week!!!  Tuesday morning when I got to the hospital, I could tell right away that Zach's level of care was not what it should have been.  Without going into all the details, I could see right away that I was going to need to let a few nurses know what I expected.  I was really disappointed after having such good care in the past.

I was more than a little stressed about leaving him there that night, but I said a prayer and then went out to the nurse's station and told them exactly what I expected that night!  Do not mess with this Mama! 

He looked much better this morning when I got there!  I was still a little crabby when they told me about a few things that happened in the night but I took a deep breath and tried to be polite.

We were able to go home this afternoon!  Zach is doing really well and is adjusting to all his changes!  I will post a couple of pics so you can see the progress he's making!  His lip/nose area is still very swollen and will be for awhile.  The area around his nostrils has started to bruise as well.

His G-tube is doing great and no problems with his ear tubes! 

 This was taken right after surgery!  He was pretty wiped out!!

 

This was taken today! You can see the two stitch lines and the bruising on his lip/nose.  His nose looks crooked but it's just because of the swelling!  That little bump that used to sit outside of his mouth is now tucked inside and attributes to some of the swelling.  Eventually, his lip will push it even further back and it will be out of the way!

What A Day!!!!

This will be just a quick update because I'm super tired. 

Zach did so well today!!  They were able to do all three surgeries without any issues!  They came to get me right after surgery and he was already wide awake!  It seems like when he had heart surgery, it took him forever to wake up!  Today his eyes were wide open and he was just looking around! 

I was so nervous taking him this morning.  He had to stop eating at midnight and I was just sure I was going to be holding a screaming baby for two hours while we waited for surgery.  He had missed 2 feedings by that time and I was more than a little worried that it would be very hard on him.

What I failed to have was faith.  So many people were praying for him (including me) that I should not have even worried one bit.  When we got to the hospital, I took him out of the car and from that point to when they took him from me 2 hours later, he never woke up!  He laid, cuddled in my arms, sleeping......like a baby! 

It hit me about an hour into our wait, that his Father in Heaven was watching over him.  That He didn't want Zach to be uncomfortable.  I honestly felt the presence of Angels all around us, as they comforted him.  Humbling to say the least.  Thank you for your prayers.  Thank you for your faith.

We're hoping for discharge tomorrow but it will depend entirely on how he does the next 12-18 hours.  He will have a long road of recovery with his lip.  I think it's probably the most painful at this point.  I will try to post pics tomorrow.  His 'new' top lip is pretty puffy and swollen but it's still amazing to see parts put together as they should be.  I'm so happy for him!!!  His life just changed drastically!  No more mittens on his hands, no more pesky feeding tube going down his throat and gagging him when it gets pulled out, time to start learning how to drink out of a bottle......yep, sounds pretty good to me!!!  :)

Just A Quick Note!

So we have been to all our appointments this week, including our pre-surgery testing, this morning and everything is a go for Monday morning!!!

We will arrive at the hospital at 5:45 that morning.  Start time is 7:30.  They will do his G-tube first (30 mins), then his tubes in his ears (15 mins) and then finish up with his lip repair (typically 3 hours but won't know for sure until they get started)!  All in all, it will be an exciting day for sure!!!  They don't anticipate any problems or challenges. 

I will be sure to post pics as soon as possible!!!  Have a great weekend!!!!

Good News! Good News!!!

We have such great news!!!  Surgery is scheduled for October 15th!!!  That's right, less than a week away!!!!  He will be getting tubes in his ears, his G-tube in his tummy and his cleft lip repaired (we're hoping they will be able to do it in a one stage repair but it may require a 2nd surgery.  We won't know until they get into the first surgery and see how pliable his tissues are in his lip area!)

He is up to 8lbs. 8 oz.!!!!  We're hoping to get him as close to 10 lbs. before surgery as we can.  That just seems to be the 'magic' weight that the doctors like for these little guys when they do surgery, so I think we'll be pretty close!

The past two weeks have been so hard as we try to keep his feeding tube in!  He has had to wear mittens on his hands since we brought him home to keep his little hands from pulling out his tube.  When we are changing clothes, bathing, etc., we have to keep his hands away from his face or else he will catch a finger by his nose and pull on the little bump that sits there!  His hands are so fast and he has caught it a couple of times already.  It hurts when he yanks on it and he always looks at us like, "Hey, what are you doing to me?  Why did you do that?" 

Several times when he's eating he will pull his tube out and his milk will end up soaking him and his bedding.  Usually that's in the middle of the night and I discover it at the next feeding.  Poor guy, he's probably wondering why his tummy is still hungry.  We will not miss having the feeding tube, that's for sure!!!  Lately it has become a daily routine of him pulling it out and me putting it back in....several times a day!!!  Soooo looking forward to his G-tube!

This past weekend, Sabrina came home for a quick visit and she brought our niece, Sierra with her!  It was so fun having them here for a few days!  Of course, Sabrina took care of all our animals (her cow was out of sorts and needed some doctoring), she loved on the puppies and went to the Feed Store and got us stocked back up on grain, etc., for the animals!  She took her cousin with her to the Feed Store and Sierra came home with a bunny for her birthday!   Haha, thank goodness Sabrina can't have pets at college!  :)

I will post a couple of pics from our weekend! 

 Had to post this!  A boy and his dog....it's a beautiful thing!!

 

 Sierra loving her new cousin!!!

 

She loves this boy so much!!!!  When we see her at Thanksgiving, she won't even recognize him!!!



Quick Update!

We have been super busy this week but wanted to give a quick update!!  Zachary went in yesterday to see his Cardiologist.  It was a two hour appointment!  He had an EKG and an ECHO (ultrasound on his heart).  Both take a long time to do and it's even trickier when you have a tiny little body that doesn't want to hold still!  But the good news is that we got them both done and Dr. Alexander was very pleased with what she saw!  Everything seems to be working as it should and she approved him for surgery!

We are still waiting to hear a date for surgery but they are working on coordinating every one (surgeons) for possibly next week! 

Everyone else is doing great and we are keeping busy!!!  Enjoy your weekend!!!!

Good News! Good News!

Guess who no longer has a paralyzed vocal cord???  Yep, that's right!!!  He can cry and be heard!!! Such a blessing to have his left vocal cord working again!  Besides allowing him to be heard, it will also help keep his food from coming back up!!! 

This morning we went to see the Ear, nose, throat doctor.  She confirmed his vocal cord is working and checked his ears.  He has fluid in both ears (we assumed as much since he deferred on both hearing tests) and she would like to put tubes in his ears when he goes in for the other surgeries in October!

He is healing so well from his heart surgery and I will post a picture so you can see how great his scars look!  I think that's all the updates for now!  Oh, he's up to 7lbs. 4 oz.! 

What's Next??

Well, there went another week!  It seems to have flown right by!  That little jaunt to see Sam and Colt and sweet baby, Calvin in the middle of the week made for a strange week.  I kept thinking it was the weekend.....when it really wasn't.  It will be back to normal this week!

Last Friday, Zachary had an appointment to have an upper G.I. done.  Before they put his feeding tube in his tummy, they wanted to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be.....and it is!!  This week we should hear the date for surgery when they will do his cleft lip repair and put his g-tube in!

It's amazing the changes in a week!  This week he is more alert and awake  It's so fun to see him looking around and taking everything in!  He has realized that being carried in the front pack is waaaay more fun than laying in his bed!  Needless to say, I'm glad we have done the trial and error over the years and found the BEST front pack carrier in the world!  No doubt he will log a lot of miles in this thing!  I added a picture of Isaiah so you could see how cute it is!!

Sweet New Baby....Grandson!!!!

He's here, he's here!!!!  Sam was scheduled for a C-section on Wednesday....however, 'he' didn't get the memo!  Sam wasn't feeling great Monday night and shortly after midnight, she woke up Colt to tell him she was having contractions.  Shortly before 4, they were headed to the hospital.  Their baby was in breech position still so surgery was scheduled for 6 am.  Calvin entered the world at 6:16, weighing 6lbs. 13 oz. and 19" long!  He has lots of dark brown hair and looks just like his Daddy!!

At some point he swallowed some meconium into his lungs which automatically landed him a trip to the NICU!  They decided to start a round of antibiotics so he will stay there until next Tuesday! 

Samantha is doing well, as she recovers from surgery.  She did such an awesome job through the whole thing!  We're so proud of her!!!

I headed to see her hours after she gave birth.  Of course Zachary wanted to come, and I also brought along Tanner and Vanessa.  We couldn't stay too long but we're anxious to see them again in a few weeks!

I'm so glad Sabrina is there to help take care of her sister and nephew!  They are in good hands!!!

Welcome to the World, Calvin!!!  We love you!!!

So Sweet!!!

On Saturday, I went to a baby shower for Samantha!!  I took Vanessa and both Grandma's with me as well!  Sabrina also went.....and stayed.  She is at BYU-I and is sooooo excited!!!  It will be so fun to have both girls there!  They will be able to hang out and reconnect since they haven't seen much of each other the past two years.  Plus it will be so nice for Sam to have her sister there to help after the baby is born!!! 

Sabrina was supposed to be in the Ukraine right now, teaching English to school children.  When she found out about her new baby brother and the health challenges he would be facing, she put her life on hold and volunteered to go to Oregon and stay with him for as long as necessary.  What a huge sacrifice!!  She knew Scott and I would not be able to be there every day and she also knew how important it was for someone to be there with him every single day. 

When she told the program director that she would need to back out of her trip, she really hoped they would refund some of the $$ that she had paid.  They didn't.  $2500 bucks gone!!!  She was heartbroken, as was I.  I knew how hard she worked to earn that money!  All winter, in the freezing cold, she bottle fed 60 baby calves, cleaned their pens, drug the dead ones out, came home covered in cow slobber and poop every single day, gave shots, tube fed the sick ones and froze her butt off!  She worked harder than anyone I know!!!  And doesn't have a penny to show for it!

But her 'pay' will come from her Father in Heaven.  He will watch out for her.  He will make sure she finds a new job while she is at college.  He knows her heart and the sacrifice she made for her brother.  Her act of selfless love will not go unnoticed by Him.  The bond she created with her baby brother will last a life time. When he's older, he will realize what an amazing sister he has!

Sam and Colt will probably have their baby on Wednesday, via C-section.  He is currently breech.  They will check him again tomorrow and if he hasn't moved, then he will be born the next day.  I'm excited to be able to go back down for the birth!!!  And of course, pictures to follow!!  :)

 Our oldest and our youngest!!!

Bye baby girl!!!!  We will miss your beautiful smiling face around here!! 

Update!!

Just a quick update of our week with Zachary!  The home health nurse came by on Monday to do a check.  He was up to 6lb. 5oz. and doing well!  Tuesday the Occupational Therapist was here.  She is always full of information and help!  Wednesday we went to see the Pediatric Plastic Surgeon who will be doing his cleft lip/palate repair!  He said at this point we are shooting for doing his lip repair at the end of the month!!  Today, we met with the Dietitian to go over his feeds.  She thought he was doing well and will continue to monitor his feeding schedule/amount!  We also had an appointment with our pediatrician.  That visit was mostly just a check in to see what all the different specialists are doing or will be doing in the future.   He also did a weight check and he is up to 6lbs., 14 oz.!!!  Also he has grown an inch and a half!

Tomorrow we will go see the Gastric Specialist to schedule putting in a G-tube.  That will probably happen early next week!  That will help eliminate so much going on with his mouth right now!  We're excited about that for him!!

Saturday we're headed to Sam's baby shower in Rexburg and we will also leave Sabrina at college there as well!  Sam is scheduled to have a C-section next Wednesday because her baby is breech at the moment....we're praying he turns before then! 

Whew, that's the latest!  Everyday is an appointment with a different specialist, so it keeps us hopping (and wears him out)....it should start to settle down a little after another month or so!  :)

Sunday Cutie!

We have been pretty busy with doctors appointments!  We had one every single day last week and this week looks the same (currently Friday is open but I suspect that will change!)  Wednesday is the day we head to the Pediatric Oral /Plastic Surgeon!  It will be interesting to see what he has to say!  He's the one that will be repairing Zachary's cleft lip/palate! 

He's doing well and his weight is up to 6 lbs. 5 oz!!  The home health nurse will be here tomorrow, so we'll see if he's gained anything since his last weigh in!  Here is a picture we took of him today!!

We're Home!!!

Wednesday was a day of information overload!!!  I got up very early and flew into Portland at 6:30.  We headed straight over to the hospital to start learning!   There were Doctors and Nurses coming and going all day, bringing information, checking him over and asking us questions. 

They still weren't sure what time discharge was going to be, they kind of thought we should spend the night just in case we needed something.  They assumed I was going to drive all 7 hours in one day and didn't want us leaving so late in the afternoon.  I let them know I was planning on only going half way and spending the night in a hotel.  They all felt much better about that, knowing that would be much easier for Zachary to handle.  So once that plan was in place, they got serious about getting us out of there!!

There was so much to learn about his care but the part I was the most nervous about was putting in his feeding tube!  When it came time to do it, I figured I better just jump in and do it since there were plenty of nurses around to help 'just in case'!  It turned out that it wasn't so hard putting it in. It's just making sure it's placed correctly after it's in.

We drove to Pendleton that night, after stopping in The Dalles for a short break.  He did so well the entire way!  We got up the next morning and made it home just after lunch!

It has been a whirlwind the past couple of days, getting home, getting him settled in a routine, we have had visits from the Home Health Nurse (they come once a week), Monday we will go see the Cardiologist and then Tuesday we will see the Pediatrician. 

A baby monitor was the first thing we bought after we got home.  Since his cry is so tiny, we need to be able to hear him at all times.  Plus when he cries, he turns a dusky shade of blue/purple immediately.  His sats levels drop and it's not good for his heart. 

I only have a couple of pics to post so far.....one of him snuggled in his car seat, ready to begin the journey home and one of cute little Jasmine, holding her new brother!!  She was so excited to be the only child home when he got here.  Everyone was else was in school!  :)

Good News!!

I feel like the good news just keeps coming!!!  Today the Cardiologist called and asked me to be there first thing in the morning for a day of 'training'!  I get to learn how to put in his feeding tube, how to then feed him with his feeding tube, change the dressings on his chest where they took out the chest tubes, etc.  Depending on how long it all takes, we will head for home later that day or possibly wait until the next day.

It was a week ago tomorrow that he went in for surgery and here we are, a week later getting ready to go home!  Our God is a God of miracles!!!  This sweet baby has so many people praying for him!  None of the conversations with any of the Doctors or Nurses beforehand mentioned anything about going home so soon.  In fact they all said to expect 2-3 weeks of recovery before being discharged!

And while this is all amazing news, he still has quite a road ahead of him.  The vocal chord test came back that one vocal chord is paralyzed, the hearing test today still shows that he deferred on both ears, treatment for his cleft lip will begin soon.....but after seeing how he has come through major heart surgery, we know that this little angel will pull through each trial with the help of our loving Father in Heaven!  And we are so thankful for His ever watchful eye on sweet baby Zachary!  Please keep praying for him! 

We will take pictures of our journey home and post them as soon as we can!!!

Monday Update!!

Today has been a busy day for sweet Zachary!  They moved him out of the PICU and into a 'big boy bed' in his own room in the general section of the hospital!  They dressed him in clothes!!!!  They used a drip technique of feeding to see if he was able to suck and swallow....he did just fine! 

They have a check list of 'to-do' items that he needs to pass before they will discharge him.  He has to have another hearing screening, another scan to check his heart, pass the car seat test (to make sure he can handle sitting in a car seat for long periods of time...like an hour), he needs to be given the opportunity to use a Haberman bottle (special bottle for children with cleft lip/palate) and have a vocal chord check (he sounds pretty raspy right now and they want to check it...very common when you have had a breathing tube in!).  Once he checks everything off his list, he will be discharged!  Hoping to knock a few of those off the list tomorrow!!  Here are a couple of pictures that Sabrina sent me today!!  He's dressed in jammies for the first time ever!  Plus, she gets to hold him and cuddle him whenever she wants to now!! 

 Look who has his eyes open!!!  And real clothes on!!  Wahooo!

 Surrounded by love!  Beautiful quilt made by a volunteer at the hospital.  Sweet little lamb also made with love by someone from the adoption agency.  Cara, from the agency showed up at the hospital today with a care package today for Sabrina and Zachary!  So very sweet of them!  She had other visitors this weekend who also brought 'care packages' for her and she was touched by the thoughtfulness! 

Snuggled in his sister's arms!

Sunday News!

Just as we were headed out the door to church this morning, Sabrina called with an update!  She spoke with the Cardiologist this morning, who reported that Zachary is doing very well post surgery!  She said in fact, tomorrow they will move him out of the PICU and into a room in the regular part of the hospital!  They started feeding him again with his feeding tube and he had just minimal drainage out of his chest tubes.  They will take the remaining two out tomorrow after they confirm that the draining has stopped.  He only has one main pic line in at this point and no other wires or I.V. lines!

I forgot to report on his hearing test earlier.  They tested him before surgery and he deferred on both ears.  That basically means neither ear was responsive to sound.  The specialist said that typically children with a bilateral clefts have some kind of hearing loss due to the fact that fluid builds up in the ear canal.  After he has had surgery to correct his palate, his hearing will not be so much of an issue but that's when language and speech intervention will be important due to him not being able to really hear very well the first year of his life. 

They will teach us how to put his feeding tube in before he's discharged so that we can do it at home.  He will more than likely have that until he's about a year old.

We have a houseful of excited kids that get to start school tomorrow!  We will be sure to post pics!!  :)

Blessing Keep Flowing!!!

I talked to Sabrina on the phone a little bit ago and she gave us great news!!!!  They are taking his breathing tube out today after only 2 days post surgery!!!!!  That is amazing!!!  They already took out his catheter (which they said would probably be there until Monday!!).  They have taken one of his drainage lines out and will take another one out today!!!  Only one left after that!!  We are so humbled at the blessings our Heavenly Father is pouring out on sweet baby Zachary!! 

When Sabrina walked into his room this morning, he was laying there wide awake!!!!  We haven't seen eyes since pre-surgery!  That means he's already off the medication they were using to keep him asleep!  Wow!!  She grabbed a book and read him a story!  She also has a cd player in his room, playing peaceful classical music for him.  How thankful I am that she is there for him!  Such a sacrifice for someone her age to sit in the hospital day after day.  But she does it willingly and we will be forever grateful to her!

Wonderful Blessings!

I flew back to Oregon on Tuesday so I would be there for Zachary's surgery on Wednesday.  He was stable the entire week with no real problems or concerns.  On Tuesday his sodium levels were low and they caused a bit of concern for a few hours.  Remarkably the next morning before surgery, everything looked good!

It was heart-wrenching watching him go into surgery.  So little, so fragile....it was all I could do to not bawl my eyes out right then and there!  They took him at 7:30 to start putting all his lines in for I.V.'s, etc.  They told us because he's so tiny and already been poked so many times, it might take them 2 hours to get them all in!  Finally at 10:20, I received the first phone call from the nurse.  She said that they had just done the first incision and surgery was underway.  She said she would call every two hours with an update.

At 12:30, she called again and reported that they were still working on placing the patch over the hole in his heart.  She described the process as being very tedious with such a small patient.  She said she was watching on the monitor and was amazed at what a process it really was.  She promised to call again at 2:30.

At 2:20, the phone at the receptionist counter rang.  She asked if we were in the waiting area.  I raised my hand to acknowledge her and she jumped up and whisked us into a conference room, stating the Doctor wanted to see us.

That quite honestly scared me to death!  There was no way they could possibly be done with the operation!  The Surgeon had stated it would take him 5-6 hours!  We waited in the room for about 8-10 minutes.  Finally he showed up with a big smile on his face and asked how we were doing.  I tried to hold it together while he explained that he was done and the surgery had gone remarkably well, better in fact than he had hoped for!  He went on to explain that he was able to patch another smaller hole (he had originally said this hole would most likely close by itself, but decided after seeing it, to just go ahead and stitch it up), complete the interrupted Aortic Arch and then lastly patch the Aortopulmonary window. 

That last one was the one that took the most time, the one he was most worried about and the one that was most crucial in fixing as quickly as possible!  He was so pleased that as tedious as it was, he was able to do an excellent repair job, in fact he believes it won't need another surgery in the future as he thought it might. 

When he finally got done explaining everything and it hit me that it was over and he was going to be ok, my emotions took over and I couldn't hold back the tears if I tried.  Such a relief to have that huge challenge over with.  He still has a long recovery ahead of him but the hard part is done.

They said he had bled quite a bit (as expected) but that it had slowed down enough that he was able to stitch him up afterwards.  He had warned us that more than likely they would not be able to sew him up for a few days after surgery due to swelling of the heart and tissues in the area.  So again, such a relief that they were able to stitch him right up.  It just means his recovery can start that much sooner.

We are hoping he will be able to get off the ventilator this weekend and that they will be able to remove the drainage tubes that are coming out from inside of him.  They stated that those are very painful and would like them out as soon as possible.  They also talked about starting him back on feeds in the next few days, which is wonderful news!

We were not able to take any pictures of him in the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) because phones have to be turned off and that was the only camera we had.  He has tubes coming out all over him!  His stitches down his chest actually looked a ton better today than yesterday, which kind of surprised me!  I didn't think they would look that good so fast!

We appreciate all the love and prayers in his behalf!  He is truly our little miracle and our Father in Heaven has blessed him up to this point and for that we are eternally grateful! 

The only pictures I have to post are of Sabrina and I making key chains and bracelets in the waiting area, courtesy of the OHSU Volunteer that brought her jewelery making supplies!  She gave us something to take our mind off of everything while we sat in the waiting area.  We were there 13 hours that day and came home exhausted but thankful!

 Making bracelets!

 This is my new keychain!!!  Baker's Dozen!!!  Get it??  :)

Cute little bracelets that Sabrina and I made!  Took forever to put all those tiny little beads on but they are super cute!!!

Sweet Baby Zachary!

Whew, what a whirlwind this has been!  Just a quick update....

Sabrina and I drove to Oregon last Wednesday.  We spent our days hanging out at the hospital with Zachary!  The caseworker was able to get us into the Ronald McDonald house to stay as long as we needed. too.  Turns out our very dear friends in Hillsboro said we were able to stay in their guest house as long we we needed!  Even though the Ronald McDonald house was right there by the hospital, we felt like staying in Hillsboro was the right thing to do. That would free up our spot for someone else to stay there that didn't have any place else to go.  We had options.  We were so blessed to have others offer their homes and even their car for Sabrina to use after I came home! 

Zachary arrived in Portland after being flown in from Boise, on Tuesday. On Wednesday, they were able to remove his breathing tube and he has continued to tolerate room air without any problems.  They use a medication to keep the valve open in his heart that normally closes after birth.  That's what is currently keeping him alive.  If that valve were to close, he would lose the ability to have blood flow to his lower extremities.  He arrived with an infection in his umbilical cord that has responded well with antibiotics and is no longer an issue. 

The genetic specialist came to see us shortly after we arrived.  They would be doing  lots of testing to see what they could find., The Cardiologist Surgeon came and discussed the plan for surgery.  It was very enlightening but also very humbling to know that baby Zachary's life, rested in this man's hands.

Once they had removed his breathing tube, we were able to hold him for the first time! He felt like a miracle straight from heaven in my arms.  The overwhelming feeling of love and joy I felt for this tiny little bundle brought tears to my eyes that continued to flow for several minutes. I can't even begin to describe the gratitude I felt at being chosen to be his mother.

As the days went by, we worked into a schedule of holding, feeding, changing his diaper, taking his temperature and just gazing at his beautiful face to pass the time.  He loves to be held and snuggled right in when the nurse placed him in our arms. 

The finally diagnosed him with something entirely different than what they originally thought.  He has a very rare Chromosome disorder called  6p22.3 deletion......yeah, I'm guessing you haven't heard of that!  Either had we!  Basically, what it means is that there is the potential for him to be diagnosed with any or all of the following:  Anomalies of the brain, kidney conditions, heart conditions, cleft lip and or palate, hearing impairment as well as developmental delay and some learning difficulty.

Some of those have already been identified, others may come later or not at all.  Time will tell.  Some people have asked if that diagnosis is better than the Dandy Walker Variant that he was originally diagnosed with...and we would have to say, not better...just different.

I flew home on Sunday since Levi started school today.  I felt it was important for me to be here for him.  Sabrina stayed with her brother.  I will fly back to Portland tomorrow so that I am there when he goes in for surgery first thing Wednesday morning.  His estimated recovery time will be anywhere from 7-14 days and only Zachary will know when he's ready to go home.  The doctors tell us that they will not be flying him back to Idaho so only when he is totally ready to be released from the hospital will they release him.

We are so blessed that Sabrina is available to stay with her brother.  She put her life on hold to be there for him and we are truly thankful.  Here are some pics of our sweet new baby!

Eyes open for the first time since he got there!!!